Thursday, March 22, 2012

I love you I need you I want you.

I hate feeling like I'm "outta the loop", like somebody knows something I don't...about me. And that is what is going on lately at work. So, it is with much anxiety that I announce I may have a big post after this weekend...or later...depending on how long the powers that be drag this thing out, this batch of intrigue, speculation, and questioning, served with a steaming cuppa' hot resentment and angst. Moving people around like chess pieces. It's good to mix things up.

I think... or I may just be suffering from paranoia. But I'm feeling the vibes.

Things are starting to line up, like all of the pointed looks while being asked vague but leading questions. Questions for which I don't have an answer. I look back on conversations and think, "Oh my gosh, is THAT what they were getting at, is THAT why they asked ..."

I've had it pretty good these last 10 years. I've loved my job. Loved it. I felt like I was led to it by Providence. It was where I was meant to be.
Five years ago I went from simply loving it, to needing it, when I went full-time to provide my family with health insurance. Then, it was something I was glad that I loved, because there was no going back, especially having joined the ranks of  The Cancer Patient.
And now, I want it, want it with an "I'll do anything baby, just don't leave me!" desperation.

Insert a thoughful pause, punctuated by small shoulder shrug, with raised eyebrows, here.

Let's hope I'm a little paranoid.


Breezy said...

Cath~~ Aren't you glad that half the things we worry about never come to pass?? Now if I could just figure out which half ahead of time it sure would save a lot of angst :)

nana_ang_poppaphil said...

There is nothing worse than that feeling of knowing something is going on around you, and not being part of the "loop", hang in there Cath, I'm sure it will sort itself out.