Monday, September 12, 2011

It's not your job to like me - it's mine.

I am a pleaser.

Over the decades of my life, I have become less a pleaser than I used to be, but I am a pleaser, just the same.
One of the problems with being an evolving pleaser is that now, when I find the gumption to do things my way or say what I think, I am often overcome with remorse.
"Why did I say that outloud?"
"What was I thinking!"
"What will they  think?"

I know lots of people that never waste a minute worrying in this way. They happily and unashamedly announce to the world their opinions, insights and arguments, never worrying about fallout.
Recently I was visited by a woman I didn't know well, someone who wanted to get to know me better. As we talked about "how I was doing" I recounted my experience with cancer, work, children and other things that woman talk about. Then she asked me a more personal question and before I answered, I thought to myself, "I'm going to be candid."

I  got the feeling that she was a little disconcerted at my "telling it like it is." Maybe surprised at what I had to say, she was very sympathetic but I thought I caught some alarm in her eyes.
Of course, immediately after opening-up, I regretted it. Now she knew my "secret", would it stay a secret? Would there be fall-out. (I realize you're probably wondering what in the heck I'm talking about, but I have to be a little circumspect here. )

On the one hand it felt good to be...I guess you could say, honest.  I know it didn't please her. It sent me into my usual speakers remorse and wondering what got into me. So, this evolving into a more honest yet tactful person is hard work, much easier just to say what people want to hear.
But I will keep at it, in a nice way.

4 comments:

nana_ang_poppaphil said...

Very thought provoking post. Is it better to be honest or to just say what people like to hear?

I don't have the answer, it is a "work in progress" for sure.

just call me jo said...

I worry that I worry too much. I hate second guessing, but do it to the max. Some of us are just born anxious. I am one.

Breezy said...

I love this post.. you are so honest!
love you
g

Suz said...

oh dear, what's your mouth have to do with pleasing yourself?
Listen more, say less
.....like..saying..no.
more often than others would like
-setting boundaries
and eliminating the crazy makers out of your life for good
like her