Monday, September 12, 2011

It's not your job to like me - it's mine.

I am a pleaser.

Over the decades of my life, I have become less a pleaser than I used to be, but I am a pleaser, just the same.
One of the problems with being an evolving pleaser is that now, when I find the gumption to do things my way or say what I think, I am often overcome with remorse.
"Why did I say that outloud?"
"What was I thinking!"
"What will they  think?"

I know lots of people that never waste a minute worrying in this way. They happily and unashamedly announce to the world their opinions, insights and arguments, never worrying about fallout.
Recently I was visited by a woman I didn't know well, someone who wanted to get to know me better. As we talked about "how I was doing" I recounted my experience with cancer, work, children and other things that woman talk about. Then she asked me a more personal question and before I answered, I thought to myself, "I'm going to be candid."

I  got the feeling that she was a little disconcerted at my "telling it like it is." Maybe surprised at what I had to say, she was very sympathetic but I thought I caught some alarm in her eyes.
Of course, immediately after opening-up, I regretted it. Now she knew my "secret", would it stay a secret? Would there be fall-out. (I realize you're probably wondering what in the heck I'm talking about, but I have to be a little circumspect here. )

On the one hand it felt good to be...I guess you could say, honest.  I know it didn't please her. It sent me into my usual speakers remorse and wondering what got into me. So, this evolving into a more honest yet tactful person is hard work, much easier just to say what people want to hear.
But I will keep at it, in a nice way.


nana_ang_poppaphil said...

Very thought provoking post. Is it better to be honest or to just say what people like to hear?

I don't have the answer, it is a "work in progress" for sure.

just call me jo said...

I worry that I worry too much. I hate second guessing, but do it to the max. Some of us are just born anxious. I am one.

Breezy said...

I love this post.. you are so honest!
love you

Suz said...

oh dear, what's your mouth have to do with pleasing yourself?
Listen more, say less
more often than others would like
-setting boundaries
and eliminating the crazy makers out of your life for good
like her